


she smells like daffodils

by mintyblueroses



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Platonic V/MC, first fic, idk how to tag, mc has a personality, mc talks some sense into these mfs, spoilers for almost the entirety of mystic messenger, takes place during v's route, v's route good ending but make it rika/mc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:35:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29752110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintyblueroses/pseuds/mintyblueroses
Summary: The first time you see her, your breath catches in your throat. The picture V sent of her didn’t hold a single candle to the forest fire that is Rika. As her brilliant green eyes meet your own, you are alight with a new appreciation for the situation, no matter how dire it may be.“Welcome to paradise.” And she’s smiling at you, and like a fool, you feel that everything may turn out okay.❦in which mc falls for rika, and rika for mc.
Relationships: Rika (Mystic Messenger)/Reader, Rika/Main Character (Mystic Messenger)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first fic, but i just care for rika so much that i had to show her some love.  
> this fic came to me while i was listening to "bombs on monday morning" by melanie martinez.

The first time you see her, your breath catches in your throat. The picture V sent of her didn’t hold a single candle to the forest fire that is Rika.  
My savior, is what he calls her, but there isn’t a doubt in your mind that this is her. You inhale sharply, eyes darting between her and Ray, for a moment, you think of V...is this what he feels, when he gazes at her? His beloved? Yes, you mustn’t forget that they were previously...intertwined. Though, as her brilliant green eyes meet your own, you are alight with a new appreciation for the situation, no matter how dire it may be.  
“Welcome to paradise.” And she’s smiling at you, and like a fool, you feel that everything may turn out okay.

❦

Rika’s words feel like honey to a sore throat. She has a faint smell of blossoms, you notice, as her soft hair occasionally brushes against your face as she moves to and fro through the dressing room you’re both situated in. It was all...ornate, with complexities like rose petals, and with the underlying feeling of thorns piercing your heart. You aren’t supposed to feel like this, you know that.  
“I think you would look pretty in this, MC,” she tinkles, a little bell, and you’re the butler, summoned by Rika’s bell. She holds out a dark indigo dress to you, reminding you distinctly of some of the flowers you caressed in the garden with Ray, only days prior. You wonder if she would let you caress her in such a way. You wonder why you want to.  
“Do you really think so?” You feel as though no matter what you wear, the woman in front of you will always hold more beauty, and you know that this is not jealousy.  
“Try it on for me, please? I promise you’ll be so pretty…” Rika has that pensive expression decorating her face again, as she peers straight through your eyes into the thoughts behind them. You look away.  
“Okay, I’ll put on the dress.”  
You pretend not to notice the way your heart leaps as she smiles at you, so purely, with glee.

❦

“You look so deep in thought all day long,” she says, without warning, and your weak heart stays silent for several moments before you can speak an answer. Luckily, she continues, toying with the ends of her blonde hair. “What are you thinking now?”  
“It feels like I’m caught in something bigger than I thought I’d be,” you admit, cowardice getting the better of you as you refuse to meet her eyes. You didn’t want to run the risk of her analyzing you again. She was already too good at it, and often you found yourself having to catch your words before you poured out your heart’s contents to her.  
“I understand why you would feel that way. It appears Ray hasn’t explained everything to you, yet, but don’t fret. You’ll learn of every secret when the time comes,” Rika adjusts her mask when she speaks, and you find that you prefer when she takes it off. Talking to her feels impersonal when she wears the savior’s mask. “You must be curious about what kind of person I am.” There she goes, reading your mind again. “What do you think? What am I like?”  
Your eyes widen, and the first words that come out aren’t words at all, and are just the panicked noises that sound through your head like alarms when she gets near. “I...you..I think you look pretty, I mean, like a pretty nice person.”  
If she notices your nervousness, she doesn’t comment on it. “Thank you for saying that. I want everyone to think of me as a nice person.”  
“Are you saying you’re not a nice person?” you ask, before your impulse control can stop the Rika-induced word vomit. “Sorry. If you don’t want to tell me, I won’t ask what you’re hiding behind your...mask.”  
“It’s alright,” she rests a hand on your shoulder, and the fire that is Rika sets your soul ablaze. “Don’t you want to know what I think of you?”  
Like a middle schooler asking out their crush, you blurt the question out before judgment can stop you. “Do you like me?”  
She laughs, and the entire word feels a little brighter.

❦

The garden looks better with Rika in it, you note, as she speaks of the darkness and the lightness, subjects shs brought up often. It wasn’t that you're not listening, but the words tended to blend together the more she spoke of them. Humans aren’t the sky, why should they become the sun, or the moon? Would she think you a fool if you asked her such questions?  
“Why are you so nice to me?” you inquire, instead, a safer alternative to the cup of questions that constantly brimmed over the edges. You meet her eyes, and gaze at only warmness. To be wary of Rika felt like a disservice, but the way she spoke of Mint Eye was still so...wrong. Her words were captivating, though, and you weren’t surprised that a man like V fell for a woman like her.  
Ah, yes, V...you couldn’t forget about him. He warned you of the savior, that her words are not to be trusted, and you knew that. Surely, you could entertain the idea of Rika..? If you are a cup of spilling liquid, she’s the shattered mug, and you fear that no matter how many glass pieces you glue together, they would never be enough.  
“Because...you’re not a simple person.” You almost forgot you had just asked her a question. “You know where to go, what direction to take…” She speaks of fear and cycles, the same mantra of salvation that she seems to bring up at any opportunity. She’s so close, though, her blossom fragrance mixing with the flowers that surround her. She’s ensnared by the beauty she’s created. Would you be enough to tear her out, without ripping her apart in the process? Is that even your job? What about V?  
And as if on cue, V emerges, and the fantasies you’ve been entertaining of Rika are put on pause.

❦

She’s on edge now. Her words are no longer coated in sugar, melting out of her lips as wax. Instead, they pierce the air as bullets, rapid and quick. You want to snuff out the discord that drives her anger, you want to heal her from the ill thoughts that grip her like a vice. You see her, her pain, the very pain she denies. Perhaps you could read Rika’s mind as she reads yours.  
Before she can go on, you find fleeting courage, and speak. “Rika. Why are you upset?” Shock fills her face, before she stomps it out with a serene expression. Was she surprised anyone would ask that of her? You try not to let sadness trickle in, anticipating that pity would only make her feel worse.  
“...I saw a face I’d rather not see. I hate to look at it,” she says this so calmly, like it’s normal to feel intense hatred with no visible emotion.  
“You’re being honest with me, but you won’t let your heart speak. You don’t have to act as the savior to me. I don’t need saving.” She moves closer to you, your noses almost touching. Sweat pools in your hands, a flush of heat rushing onto your face. You try not to think anything impure with her close to you like this. You choose to study her face, hoping it’ll suffice as a distraction. It doesn’t work, as the first feature you inspect are the peachy pink lips that dance so close, but you know that she’s not thinking of you like this..  
“He just won’t leave! He’s stuck in my head, now, and I was so at peace before he showed up…!” Her lips curl, baring a bit of her teeth. She has sharp canines, you note, adding it to your mind’s folder of Rika. “Do you know about me and V?”  
“Only a little. You guys were engaged,” you offer. You don’t tell her how V consistently warns of her sweet words.  
“Of course. The RFA probably told you...you’re right. We used to be lovers.” And she’s beginning again, talking about the light and everlasting love and darkness, and you ask the questions that’s been plaguing you since the garden, since she first began her talk of eclipsing suns and moons.  
“Why do humans have to be dark or light? Can we not just...exist? Do you have to confine yourself to only one path?” You rest both hands on her shoulders, and hope she doesn’t notice the remaining sweat. You curse her beauty for captivating you this way.  
Rika ponders your question, fluttering her eyes shut as she retreats into her thoughts. You let her, allowing a full minute of silence to pass before she answers you. “Love like the sun only scorches somebody to death, and there is only so much comfort in shadows. But I enjoy my darkness. I like to embrace it.”  
“I think you should stop defining yourself in darkness or lightness. There’s a little bit in everyone, and to ignore one side is to give a disservice to the other. There’s a day and night cycle for a reason...too much light will kill you, but so will too much dark.” You don’t remember how you got so philosophical. Maybe Rika’s rubbed off on you more than you thought in the past day. You can’t entertain that line of thinking too much, no, as she pulls you into a hug, small hands laced together at the dip of your back. The ability to breathe escapes you, and all you can do is pull her closer.  
“Perhaps, you’re right.”  
Elation hits, and you feel as high as the sun.

❦


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, you awake to a (now familiar) flowery scent, and the tickle of hair against your face. You open your eyes, and there she is, looking truly relaxed for the first time since you’ve met. Her body is nestled into yours, somehow having found its way to that position over the course of the night. As if sensing your gaze, her eyes flutter open, and she smiles.  
“Did I wake you?” You wish you hadn’t, so that you could gaze at her for a moment more, before the thoughts of Mint Eye and V and what was truly right began to take over.  
She notices your worry, having a talent for reading you like every thought you spawned was laid out for her in a book. “No, I was simply risen with the sun.”  
Afraid she’s about to go into another one of her spiels, you shift topics. “What do you plan on doing today?” It feels domestic, lying with her like this, her torso pressed against yours and her head resting near your shoulder, discussing the plans for the day. Is this how V felt, when he held her like this? You’re beginning to resent V, only for the fact that he got to do everything you crave to do with Rika. You allow yourself to imagine how things may have turned out, if she had been at your side instead of his.  
Her response brings you crashing down to earth. “I’m going to show you more of the wonders of this place. I hope you will come to love Mint Eye as much as I do.”  
You hate this. You hate how you have to address that Mint Eye exists, that there’s a whole building of hurt outside of the tender moments you share with her. “Rika...you can’t keep—”  
She hushes you, bringing a finger to your lips. “For now, keep quiet, okay? I want to spend some quality time with you. I want to learn more about you. Forget about V and instead focus on us.” She words it like there’s something between the both of you.  
You hope she can’t see the sparks short-circuiting in your head.

❦

You’re sitting in her throne room again, picking at the red carpet and chatting absentmindedly in the messenger. They’ve noticed your attention is consistently elsewhere, but how do you explain to them that you’re battling your feelings of the dead girl, alive under your fingers?  
“How are things with the RFA?” she asks, and once again, it’s rhetorical, as she continues speaking before you can provide an answer. “I wonder whose side you’re on, what you’re talking about with them.. I hope you’ll come to realize V’s true nature.”  
“I’m not on anyone’s side,” you insist. It’s not technically a lie, but it could soon become one if she pressed any further. “Speaking of V, is he safe?”  
She rushes into a tangent about how you must be careful of V, lest you become a victim. She must not be over him, you assume, and try to ignore how heavy that revelation feels.  
“Why did you leave V?” You fear the answer she’ll provide.  
“I was afraid. Afraid I would forget who I am, that I’ll be a noble person, always smiling without a single concern. But I’m not a person like the sun, like V. I’m a dark person.” Sometimes, the way she treats herself scares you, but mostly it just instills sadness. How could she have reduced herself to only darkness? Your vision isn’t skewed, you’re sure of that. You can see the potential in her, the potential to heal. You grab her hands, making sure to leave enough slack so she won’t feel trapped in your grasp.  
“You don’t have to be all darkness, all the time. Remember what I told you yesterday? And before you assume, I don’t think you have to be like V, sunny, as you put it. You can just be you, not dark, not light,” your words come out soft, almost as soft as the look you harbor just for her. She gazes back at you with tenfold the intensity, eyes churning like two green oceans. They pull you in, the moon of your eyes beckoning her tides, and you forget the warnings bestowed upon you, you forget the RFA, you forget Mint Eye, and for this moment of peace, it’s Rika. Only Rika.  
“Do you really think...that I can live like that?” It sounds as if she genuinely considers it, until she laughs, and the serenity is shattered into a million pieces that stab your heart and tear ducts. Just what did V do to her, what did the people in her life treat her like to turn her into this? “I was brought into this world to be tormented, and tortured. Why would I live otherwise? I was born a freak. The other kids pointed and laughed at the dark, weird girl. My birth parents abandoned me, my step-parents sucked me dry emotionally. Why else would I be born, besides to embrace the darkness thrust upon me?” Her face contorts, and you think she’s about to cry, but she just keeps talking. “I learned to be normal, and to smile, so that people wouldn’t think I’m weird. I never showed my tears, but I could feel them welling up inside me, I could feel myself drowning in my sorrow. So when there’s no more space to hold my tears, I must extinguish the darkness.”  
“Rika…” your voice breaks, and she looks at you like you’re the craziest person she’s ever met. “I wish I could condemn all of the people who made you feel like you have to hide your feelings. You don’t deserve any of that, god, how could they do that to you…?” You feel your stomach pool with anger, with the need for revenge. But there could be no poetic justice, instead, you know that the only justice would be to save Rika. “You don’t have to hide from me. I won’t...I won’t make you feel like a freak for having emotions.”  
“V promised that to me, too. He told me he could see all of my agony. He tried to dry my tears. But I found a devil inside of me…” She sounds wistful, like she’s reliving memories. She’s not here with you, not in this moment, her eyes glazed as she remembers the conversations she shared with V. “This devil can’t survive with my tears. I had to collect them to stay alive, but it whispered horrible things...I wanted to kill the devil. That’s why I sought V, with his love like the sun. However, I realized…” She came back to you, meeting your eyes with a steely gaze. “I am that devil.”  
“No,” you both are shocked at how strong the single word sounds, “you’re not a devil, Rika. You’re not. You’ve been told bad things about you all your life, and so you started to believe them, but they’re not true.” You let go of her hands. Disappoint flickers across her face, until you instead embrace her, winding your fingers into her wavy blonde hair. “I won’t give you the sun. Or the shade, and I won’t let you be always dark, all the time.”  
“MC...could you really accept me, as filthy as I am? As horrible as I am? V couldn’t...but could you?” For the first time since you met her, she sounds vulnerable, unlike the savior.  
“Of course, of course,” you murmur into her hair, and you’re pleased to find that she wraps her arms around your waist in return.  
You hold the scorched woman tight in your arms, shielding her from the devil she battles within.

❦

It’s lunchtime, and both of you are nestled into a private nook of the garden. The sun, now at its highest place, is curtained by clouds and the promise of rain. She picks a pale pink flower off the closest bush, tucking the fragment behind your ear, eliciting a shudder and sigh from, like a satisfied cat. Your skin heats up where her touch lingers, and you resist the urge to grasp her arm so that she can’t pull away.  
“You look troubled,” she comments, sliding her gaze to the sky. The pale grey clouds reflect through her eyes, large canvases painted by the world she inspects. To you, the world is Rika’s to explore, everyone else only a passenger in her journey. “Are you struggling to fight the darkness within?”  
“I told you already that I’m not going to limit myself to light and darkness. I’m not ashamed of my thoughts.” You knot your hands into the silky fabric of your dress, wrinkling the black material.  
“You’re lying. But about which part?” She sees right through you. Around her, you’re made of glass, vulnerable at any moment to what she tells you. You know you won’t succumb to the Mint Eye, but if she ever offers to run away with you, leaving it all behind...well..  
“I’m sometimes ashamed of my thoughts, but as long as I don’t vocalize them, I’m fine.” You want her to know that ‘light’ and ‘dark’ of a person are only things she came up with, or rather, things she’s been taught. You’re aware that only a couple days spent in her company isn’t enough to close the gaping, black maw of faults she’s internalized since god-knows-when.  
“What are these thoughts? Are they dark thoughts?” she asks, a honeyed voice urging you to reveal everything to her. You wonder if she’s guessed how you feel around her. You figure she has, as she now curls a finger under your chin, directing your faces towards each other.  
You want to kiss her. You bury this feeling deep inside. “They...no, they’re not dark thoughts. Quite the opposite, really, I just feel guilty.” You’ve said too much, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away. Rika shifts her hand to encompass the left side of your face, her thumb flitting over your lips for a millisecond, but enough to set your body into overdrive.  
“If you stay here, you won’t have to feel guilty about your thoughts. This is paradise, after all, MC,” she promises, removing her hand from your face. It’s over too soon. You miss her touch already.  
“I think I’d feel even more guilty that way.”  
She doesn’t ask more of you, and you’re thankful for that.

❦

She always starts the conversation the same way, noting how you’re deep in thought. How could you not be? Not only are you battling the raging storm of Rika’s touches, her words, her eyes, but you have to deal with worry for V and the RFA at the same time. It feels too much, and you fear that your overwhelmedness will fuel a rash decision soon.  
“What are you thinking?” The words are permanently tattooed in the air, now. She always wants to know what you’re thinking, and you entertain the idea that she’s so insecure that she has to know what you think before any decision. You feel the cold weight of sadness in your stomach again.  
“I’m thinking about V.” It’s half the truth. You hope she doesn’t get the wrong idea.  
“Yes, I’m sure he forced you to trust him, didn’t he? As if he can save you...he always wants to play savior, but he can’t be like me.” She paces the room in long strides. Your eyes flit back and forth like a grandfather clock as you follow her movements. “Everyone at this place needs my help, but you’re different. You don’t need anything. Perhaps that’s why I’m so comfortable with you.”  
“I feel comfortable with you, too. You’re a soft person, but you’re not weak..does that make sense?” Rika stops pacing, and for a heart-crushing moment, you think you’ve offended her.  
“That’s you, not me. You only think that of me because I don’t feel the need to play savior around you. I just wish you’d stop minding V…have you fallen for him, by any chance?”  
You blurt it out fiercely, surer than anything you’ve ever said in your entire life. “No.” She’s surprised, that you can see. She falters, looking at you with a mix of bewilderment and...relief? No, no, you couldn’t think of her like this. Again, like a coward, you turn away.  
“I thought you’d fallen for him. I had words prepared. I wanted to know your opinion on V’s love of light. But if you’ve not fallen for him...why do you care so much?” You aren’t sure if she’s asking you, or herself, so you answer anyway.  
“I don’t want you to hurt V, but I don’t want him to hurt you, either. In all honesty, I…” You couldn’t say it. Not now. “I want everyone to be happy, without the dependence of Mint Eye. I know it’s possible.”  
“You’re wrong. The devil inside you will shiver when you leave this place and let the light infect you. You’re delusional.” You reel back as if you’ve been stabbed. “Please, MC...let’s embrace our darkness together…” She holds out her arms to you, and you want nothing more than to find solace in them.  
You shake your head. “No, Rika..your definition of embrace is different from mine. You feed your darkness; that’s more than embracing. I can’t do that to you...you’ll destroy yourself acting like this.”  
She thinks on it, retreating into herself. “You’re not like V. You’re not like me, either. Why are you so different? How can I convince you to choose me?”  
The words are on the tip of your tongue. All you have to do is say them. “I do choose you.” A weight is lifted, and you sigh in relief that part of your thoughts have finally been spoken aloud. “I want to help you...if the light has scorched you, then this overflow of darkness is drowning you. I don’t want to save you like V, though, I want to teach you to save yourself.”  
“I’m already the savior—”  
“Rika….you can’t save others if you haven’t even saved yourself.”  
Tears well in her eyes, but you can see your words worming their way into the cracks of her heart.

❦

You, V, and Luciel make your escape from the building. Your heart feels heavy, tears welded into your eyes that refuse to fall. You sneak a glance at V. Guilt overwhelms you, and you let out a choked sob. Luciel turns her gaze to you, confusion pooling into his golden eyes.  
“You don’t have to cry, V’s gonna be fine. We’ll take care of him, we'll take him to the hospital.” He speaks breathlessly from running, words coming out in huffs and puffs. You try to focus on keeping your legs pumping while also formulating a response.  
“That’s not who I’m worried about,” you admit. You feel you can at least tell Luciel, as long as he doesn’t relay that information to the unconscious man on his back.  
Shock, and he almost halts completely. “Don’t tell me...you’ve grown to care for Rika? I thought you’d fallen for V!”  
“That would’ve been so much easier.” You both keep running, comforted only by the sounds of your breathing in tandem.

❦


	3. Chapter 3

Luciel’s car is nicer than you anticipated. You haven’t talked to him since you told him how you care for Rika, but you caught him sneaking glances at you every once in a while, as if trying to study you. You know he can’t read you like she can. The glass is foggy, now, without her close by.  
“Ugh…” V stirs, and all the attention is on him.  
“Thank god! Luciel, he’s waking up!” You don’t have to tell him twice, and he’s already called out V’s name.  
“Can you see me? Do you know who I am? What happened back there?” he shoots his questions rapid-fire at the barely conscious V. You pat Luciel’s shoulder to garner his attention.  
“Let him wake up a bit before you start questioning him. We don’t know what the elixir’s done.”  
“...Agh….Luciel..? MC..?” V raises a hand, trying to find a grip. He moves like he’s underwater, voice muffled as if stuffed by cotton. You grab his hand, noticing how it doesn’t send tingles like Rika’s hand does.  
“We’re here, we’re in Luciel’s car.” The mentioned man says nothing, instead providing a steely gaze to V, and to you. You know you’re suspicious. A captured stranger. V must be suspicious, too, after Luciel’s encounter with a dead woman.  
“Thanks heavens...thank….” V swallows, shivering in his cloak. Sweat drips down the sides of his face, and he looks entirely pitiful. You hush him, and Luciel takes this as his opportunity to speak.  
“We’re all safe, what a relief, except for the fact I risked my life to save both of you, and saw Rika, alive!” he’s angry, rightfully so. A mixture of pain and sadness take over V’s face. Luciel keeps talking. “Just what on earth happened to her?! Why didn’t you tell us? Why did you lie about her death?”  
“Luciel...he’s not well…” you plead.  
He turns on you, “And you, you knew she was Rika! Why didn’t you say anything? Why were you even there? How can we trust you?!”  
“Luciel.” Despite his state, he sounds commanding, and the red-haired man is rendered speechless.  
“There’s no use interrogating sick people, and I’m sure you won’t tell me anything, because of V. Let’s just get him to the hospital,” he sighs. You wish you could tell him everything, how Rika needs help, how you want to go back and bring her out of the Mint Eye and teach her to love herself. You want to scream out about how Rika sets you on fire, how you’re scared that if you’re without her too long, you’ll forget to breathe. You say none of that, and just nod, allowing him to make his own conclusions.  
“No...no, not the hospital..” The two men enter a back and forth, and you sit there in silence, thinking of Rika. Will she feel betrayed? Does she hate you now? You dread to think of her hating you like she hates V. You suddenly feel sick, fighting the urge to vomit until Luciel speaks your name.  
“MC, later, I’ll have to see your phone for a bit.” You can only nod. He pretends not to notice the nausea on your face, and you’re grateful for it. “We’re going to the hospital after I spoof our locations, alright?”  
V detests the idea again, “No...not the hospital, it’s too dangerous...for her…” You understand. You look at V, and think again about his words to Rika in the Mint Eye. Obsession, not love...guilt slackens its grip, enough for you to express your agreement.  
“Maybe...he’s right. Rika’ll never get better if she’s arrested and forced into treatment.”  
“You think of her now? You’re impossible.” You’re not sure if he’s talking to you, or to V. You don’t get the chance to ponder it. “Fine. So it’s okay if no one else gets involved? We can just go to my hideout, then.”  
“Thank you, Luciel…” V asks him to cut off everyone’s access to the messenger. You hope that doesn’t include you...you wanted a chance to talk to Rika again, as selfish as it is. You don’t realize how tight you’re gripping V’s hand until he says your name. “MC, I’m sorry...I brought you into this.”  
You let go of him completely, wrapping your arms around yourself. “It’s fine. Take care of yourself, alright?”  
“Thank you. I’m glad...you seem to be safe.” It’s a struggle for him to talk. Why is he still talking? Is it your place to scold him? “I couldn’t stop worrying...since you got there. I’m sure it was more...than you could handle.”  
At this, irrational anger takes place. “I can handle myself. Rika doesn’t scare me,” you sound colder than you intended, and he visibly flinches at your tone. “Sorry,” you mutter, sweeping some of his hair away from his sweaty forehead as an apology. He leans into your touch, and you fiercely hope that it’s strictly platonic.   
“Oh, and MC?” Luciel says, grabbing your attention. You let out a hum to let him know you’re listening. “I still have loads to ask you about what happened back there. She’s on our side, right?” he asks V.  
“....Yes. She’s innocent. We can trust her.”  
All you can think of is Rika. You’re not sure how innocent you are, really.

❦

Luciel shakes V, with you several steps behind. You fear looking into his face when he’s fully conscious, lest he see the fondness you harbor for Rika within. You can’t stop thinking of her. Every yellow tone in the hideout sends you spiraling into thoughts of her blonde hair, the hair that tickled your nose in the morning, that you murmured into in hopes she’d believe you when you told her there was so much more waiting for her. Instead, you’re stuck away from her. She’s unstable. She’s done bad things...Ray, for example. The other believers. You believe that deep down, she can find a better solution to her issues, one that involves...not hurting others. Wistfully, you want it to involve you.  
“V...can you hear me?” Luciel asks. V’s eyes are clouded, but he finds focus on the hacker, recognition flashing.   
“Luciel….where’s MC?” You step up next to Luciel, refusing to meet V’s gaze. “MC…” You feel sick. He says your name and it sends dread down your spine, because you know that you shouldn’t be falling for his ex-fiancé like this, and that you don’t deserve the happiness in his tone when he sees you.   
“I’m here, V.” You hope he doesn’t notice the way your voice shakes. He laments on how he was worried you weren’t safe, that he feels better now he can see you. You don’t want to hear it. “V,” you interrupt, gently, as if you’re talking to a scared animal. “Your hands are shaking.”  
“I’m fine.” It seems you both are saving face. “I’m fine...this is nothing. As long as you’re safe, I’m okay.”  
“Don’t do that,” your voice threatens to break. “Don’t pretend to be okay, and if you really are okay as long as I am, don’t pin your okay-ness on me…”  
He coughs. Is he ignoring you? “Luciel, the messenger?”  
Luciel looks between the two of you with unease. Can he sense your fear? Can V sense it? “I was just about to go into another room to work on it. I need to focus. Ah...MC, can you look after him?”  
“Yeah, I can. I’ll make sure he doesn’t push himself. Leave it to me.” You’re playing therapist for these broken people, and you’re not sure how long you can take it before you crack. You stay intact, though, for Rika. She doesn’t need anymore shattered pieces to cut herself on. Luciel says something you don’t listen to, and leaves the room.  
“MC...I’m so sorry.” Him and Rika start conversations the same each time. Him, an apology, and she, a remark on how hard you’re thinking. “I’m not sure where I should start...it’s all my fault Rika turned out that way. That’s why I have to take responsibility..there’s no need for any other sacrifice—”  
“You’re self-centered,” you blurt, just as a way to get him to stop talking. He looks at you as if you’ve just burned him, and you find no regret. “You think everything’s all about you, when it’s not. You’re not a narcissist, though, you just blame yourself for everything. Rika...she chose to do those things on her own, and yeah, you might’ve enabled her, but you didn’t force her to create the Mint Eye.”  
“But, I—”  
“I promised Luciel I wouldn’t let you push yourself. You should rest.” Silence fills the room, and for a minute or two, you believe he’s fallen asleep.  
“I’m sorry...but it’s my responsibility. I have to take responsibility for her. Haaa…”  
“Well, maybe I want to take responsibility for Rika, too. Your methods didn’t work. They’re not going to. I know that’s harsh and hard to accept, but you can’t keep trying to solve everything by self sacrifice!” He turns away from you like he’s been slapped, closing his eyes in pain. Sorrow overtakes his face, and he’s shaking again. “Look, V...I’ll be here. You don’t have to shiver.” You grasp his hand, unromantic in every way, and he lets out a content sigh.  
“Could you really do that for me? Thank you..” A bit of the discomfort eases out of his face. He looks better when he’s not apologizing for everything. “You know, I feel a bit safer with you here, like this…”  
“Get some rest, V,” you chastise, and he nods, falling asleep.  
While he’s no Rika, you find you enjoy his company, and you hope that the two of you can become friends when this is all over.

❦

Rika has entered the chatroom.

Your breath catches in your throat like the first time you laid eyes on her, and you almost drop your phone in shock. 

Rika: Give it up. Nothing will work. Ray blocked everything Luciel tried just now.  
Rika: You can’t access or delete any data. Nothing will work.  
707: ...Rika…?

You yearn to see Luciel’s face right now, to soothe him so he won’t be worried about Rika. But you stay still, staring at the fragmented chatroom.

MC: I miss you.  
707: What?  
Rika: You say that, but you left our paradise for V? You’re a hypocrite, just like him.   
MC: Rika, I didn’t want to leave you, only the Mint Eye.  
Rika: ....  
Rika: It’s been a long time, Luciel. Or should I say Saeyoung? Maybe 707?  
707: That’s enough. Don’t say that name.  
Rika: It was you, wasn’t it? I checked the surveillance cameras to figure out how V and MC managed to escape...only to find that it was you who ripped her from me.

You can’t help the happiness that blooms in your chest. Even if she labels you a hypocrite, she doesn’t hate you. That’s enough. The fact alone gives you hope.

Rika: You must’ve seen everything. My uneasiness...my screaming…  
707: Rika…  
MC: Luciel cares for you, Rika. He was sad to see you like that. I was sad to see you like that.  
Rika: Then why did you leave me?  
MC: At the moment, it seemed like the best choice. V’s sick, and Luciel can’t take care of him alone.  
MC: I may not have a good reason, but I promise, I’ll come get you. I’m not going away forever.  
707: MC, don’t make promises you can’t keep.  
Rika: My heart aches...I just want you to come back and embrace my devil again. You can do it your way.  
707: So, you’ve really changed, Rika..?  
Rika: No.  
Rika: This is who I am. I no longer feel the need to hide it.  
707 has left the chatroom.

You hear him sigh in the other room. You rise from your seat and knock on the door.   
“Not now, MC.” He sounds tired. “Don’t listen to what she says..”  
“Luciel…”  
“I can see that you care for her. But I think she’s beyond saving. She’s gone too far.” You can’t help the anger you feel at his words.  
“No, that’s not true! I won’t give up on her. I can’t…” You let out an exasperated sigh, looking back down at your phone, being greeted by a plethora of new messages. You read them as you shuffle back to your seat near V’s unconscious form.

Rika: I wanted him to hear my side of the story before he left.  
Rika: But it seems V has poisoned his mind too much.  
Rika: He...V...they all think I’m a villain. But I’m not the only villain here. V left trauma on me, too, and it can’t be undone.  
Rika: Why can’t they understand?  
MC: I understand, Rika, but don’t say trauma can’t be undone. I’ll help you until you can cope with it. I want you to learn how to love yourself.  
Rika: ….  
Rika: I thought you would be just like V.  
Rika: They all tell me I need treatment, when I’m just being who I am! I’m just...a person called Rika.  
MC: You probably do need treatment, if I’m honest, but I won’t force it on you unless the situation is dire.  
MC: I think there are some things you can heal from by yourself, if you’ll let me in..  
Rika: Will you hold my hand and guide me, MC? Where will you take me?  
MC: Hm..  
MC: Can I take you to a place where there’s a constant eclipse?  
Rika: You mean, a balance between dark and light? I thought you didn’t believe in that.  
MC: I’m just speaking your language. I thought it would help.  
Rika: If such a place exists…  
Rika: I think only you could take me there.  
Rika has left the chatroom.

You place your phone down feeling lighter, like a bit of weight has been lifted off your shoulders. 

❦

The conversation you share with Rika, about V’s love, leaves you feeling as weighted as you did before, if not more. How foolish are you to think that Rika was over V? Of course she isn’t. It hurts, the glass she saw through in you shatters, piercing your heart with no mercy. You gasp as the tears take over, dropping you to your knees beside V’s bed. Hiccups escape you as you try to fight back the noise, large, crocodile tears wetting your face. You cry for Rika, for V, for Ray, for Luciel, for the believers, for the RFA. Only eight days have passed and the entirety of the world rains upon your shoulders. How long until the face behind the glass cracks?  
You register footsteps, and struggle to wipe the tears off your face. You’re too late, though, and the footsteps stop at the entrance to the room. “Uh...you alright, there?” Vanderwood asks, sounding foreign and out of place.  
“Do you want me to lie to make things less awkward?” you retort, using the bed to stand back up, squaring your shoulders like you weren’t just sobbing on the floor moments earlier. You can imagine the way your face looks, blotchy and rubbed raw, eyes wet. You’re embarrassed that a stranger (more so than anyone else, at least) is the one to witness your moment of vulnerability.  
“Usually, I’d say yes, but I can listen to you vent a bit while I take care of minty over here.” You snort, and Vanderwood looks pleased. You quite like the man, he’s a good foil to the craziness that is Luciel. Their bickering was more entertaining than you’d like to admit, because you know if you do, Luciel will go out of his way to do it more often.  
“Nah, I’m alright. There’s a lot happening, you know?” You force a smile, and he doesn’t question it.  
“Tell me about it.” He gets to work, and you leave, allowing him to complete his duties in silence.  
Letting out the tears lifted you a bit, and you feel brave enough to sit outside, watching the clouds pass by.

❦

Ray, V, Rika...they all presented their broken pieces to you, expecting you to fix them, and the only thing you’ve succeeded in doing is cutting your hands.

Rika has entered the chatroom.

Daylight’s fading, and you watch the last remnants of sunlight peek below the horizon, a myriad of stars in its wake. The darkness makes you think of Rika, who reminds you more of starlight than the cold moon

Rika: Here I am, MC, a poor little work of failure drowned in my own darkness.  
MC: You’re not a failure.  
Rika: Do you expect me to believe that?  
Rika: I think it’s rather funny that you guys think I’m the worst villain...a failure in V’s art.  
Rika: My parents threw me out early..why couldn’t you do the same..?

You’re not sure if she’s speaking to you or V. You’re not sure if you care.

MC: I don’t want to throw you out. V doesn’t either, he’s afraid of his feelings, or rather, lack thereof.  
MC: You’re not a failure, Rika, you’ve just been led astray..  
Rika: Astray? Why do you look at Mint Eye and see wrong? I saved these people!  
MC: Yeah? And how did you save these people when nobody ever saved you?  
Rika: …  
MC: The only person who can save you is yourself, those people in Mint Eye are seeking temporary happiness because they don’t know how to love themselves.  
MC: That’s what you’re doing, Rika.  
Rika: How would you know..?  
MC: I’m not perfect, like you and V think.  
Rika: But you don’t need saving.  
MC: No, I don’t. Neither do you. All you need is to address the pain inside you and to attempt to heal it.  
MC: The drowning woman can’t save others who are drowning.  
Rika: Do you think these people can go back into the world without their savior?  
MC: Yes, if only you’d let them. They have loved ones waiting for them.  
Rika: What about me? If V and the RFA have abandoned me, who do I have?  
MC: ...you have me.

You’re starting to get through to her, you must be, because she’s stopped talking about salvation and instead asks questions. If she’s curious, she must be willing to change, right?

Rika: If I came to you right now, would you embrace me?

You don’t even have to think about it.

MC: Yes.  
Rika: You’re not a coward, like V...you don’t fear my darkness. You don’t want to destroy it, either. I don’t understand.  
Rika: V was a coward who wanted to play God behind me. He wanted to save poor, broken, Rika.  
Rika: He ran away from the world into my arms, and now he says it was all fake…  
MC: Your love with V wasn’t healthy. Even now, I don’t think you love him. I think you just love having someone to fall back on.  
Rika: …  
Rika: Does that mean that no one has ever loved me, MC?  
MC: That doesn’t mean no one ever will.  
Rika: Do you think you could love me? Is that it?

Your heart skips a beat. You fumble with the phone and drop it in the process, swiping it up and typing out a response as fast as you can muster.

MC: Dont aks me that pleaxe  
MC: Don’t ask me that, please.  
Rika: Maybe I’m just too wounded to be loved…  
MC: No, that’s not it. You’re worth love, but not with V. He’s not for you to have.  
Rika: Then who will want me, MC?  
MC: I want to help you.

You can’t tell her you want her. Not now, not like this. Not when she’s crumpled to the ground, doused in self-hatred.

Rika: ...you seem to know a lot about me.  
Rika: Perhaps you even...understand my darkness?  
Rika: What do you want from me?  
MC: I don’t want anything from you.  
Rika: You’re different from them…this is strange.  
Rika has left the chatroom.

You clutch your phone to your chest and pretend like the feeling Rika instills in you doesn’t launch you into the sky.

❦

The next time you join the chatroom, only V is there. You almost go to his room in fear that something may have happened, but he reassures you that he only wants to talk to Rika. Though that doesn’t reassure you much. You ask about the side effects, and he readfully obliges.

V: I keep feeling like I’m losing myself…  
V: The very foundation of my belief is shaking…  
V: I feel despair and I feel like my existence is nothing but dirt..  
V: Please forgive me if I say something weird.  
MC: There you go again, V, begging for forgiveness. You don’t have to. I’m not going to judge you for experiencing pain.  
V: Thank you.  
Rika has entered the chatroom.

You almost leave. You don’t want to watch them bicker, or worse, somehow reconcile. It’s selfish, you know that, but a part of you wants Rika and V to stay away from each other. They’re toxic for each other. The confusing feelings you harbor for Rika have nothing to do with it… It’s only half a lie.

Rika: Are you in agony from the elixir?  
V: Rika…?  
MC: Rika!  
Rika: Funny, that I run into you here again…  
Rika: I saw both you and V, and I thought we could have some interesting chat.  
MC: ….  
Rika: I couldn’t put aside what V told me, about being scared of love.  
V: I’m changing, that’s why..  
Rika: Perhaps we’re all changing.  
V: What do you mean…?  
Rika: I no longer find comfort in fear.  
Rika: V...no longer finds comfort in me.  
Rika: ...is this because of you, MC?  
MC: Me? If you’re growing, that’s because you’re getting stronger inside..  
Rika: What a beautiful way to put it.  
V: Yes, now I can see where I was wrong.  
Rika: I find it weird that you can admit it so easily.  
Rika: Do you also admit that you were trying to practice your ideals through me? Through pretty little broken Rika?  
V: I won’t deny that.  
Rika: …  
Rika: This is because of her.  
V: Don’t bring MC into this. This is between you and me.  
Rika: You’d say that.  
MC: At this point...this is bigger than you, V. You need to stop taking on all the burdens. That won’t help anyone.  
Rika: V, you’re embarrassed of what you’ve done to me. Your failures.  
Rika: That’s why you take on everything alone.  
V: Rika…  
Rika: You know I’m right.  
V: I don’t want to sacrifice anyone else due to my greed. Not anymore.  
Rika: I can count that as a factor, too.  
V: Rika..I must ask. Why did you let me live back in that building?  
MC: V…  
Rika: I didn’t want to give you what you want. You wanted to look noble as a sacrifice. You tried to use me again.  
V: You’re right...my love, my obsession has suffocated you.  
Rika: You admit this so easily?   
Rika: How is this so easy…?  
V: Can’t we forgive each other and make up?  
Rika: Look what’s happened. Can we even do that anymore?  
MC: Of course you can, Rika…I believe in you.  
Rika: You…  
Rika has left the chatroom.  
V: …?  
MC: Rika’s calling me.  
MC has left the chatroom.

You answer Rika’s call, raising the phone to your ear. You feel giddy, getting to talk to her like this.  
“Hello?” she sounds strangely quiet.  
“Rika...are you okay?” You hear her sigh on the other end. You imagine her face, contorted with confusion, realization, maybe?  
“I don’t want to believe it wasn’t love,” she admits, her voice struggling to remain balanced. “But...I fear it may be true. I must be unlovable, that the closest thing I ever got to love was obsession from a man who wanted to save a broken girl…”  
“You’re not unlovable, Rika.” But you can’t tell her why. You beg any god that’ll listen that she won’t ask why.  
“Why do you think that? No one has ever…” she trails off. She’s said it so many times that the words are forever imprinted in your mind.  
“Yoosung. Yoosung loved—loves you like a sister,” you offer. You predict she won’t accept this, since she always put on an act with the kid, but it was the best you could give her, for now.  
“He loves fake Rika.”  
“He loves what you did for him, Rika, he loves that you were like a teacher. He misses you. He tells us all the time how much he misses you, and if he saw you now, well…” You want to tell her he’d forgive her, but if she kept down this path, you’re not sure he would.  
“If he saw me now, he would hate me,” she finishes your sentence for you, sighing as she does so.  
“Not if you take steps to…” To what? Get better? “To rectify your wrongs.”  
“You still think Mint Eye is a bad place, MC. I just want to make people happy,” she sounds so wistful, so full of dreams. Why do you have to be the one to crush them?  
“You had the right idea, but the wrong execution. V said..the elixir made him feel hopeless. Tearing people down to only bring them up sounds like addiction, not happiness.” You hear her sniffle on the other end. You hate to imagine her crying.  
“What should I do, then? Please tell me what to do…”  
“No...this is your choice, Rika. I can’t make it for you.” It pains you to do this, but this is the only way. Any change she makes with the wrong motivation isn’t a change at all. If you were to tell her what to do...you might scar her forever, like V.  
“I’ll think about what to do next. Thank you, MC. You’re different from them...I think of you when I look at the moon,” she says, softly, as if she’s sharing a secret to you and only you. You feel safe, like when you awoke next to her, the scent of daffodils kissing your nose.  
“I think of you when I see the stars.”  
She hangs up, and you stare at the stars, thinking of Rika.

❦


End file.
